Photo Birthday Friday

Another year- hello 33. Looking forward to a wonderful year of you.

 

Jump. Pause. Wait.

I decided to JUMP. I decided to move forward. Move west. Move. Which is all just wonderful. Kind of surreal. But it is happening. I'm going. 

But not for another several weeks.

Which- leaves me here. In Limbo. In New York. In a very strange uncomfortable sad place. It's strange because I am in the middle of a big move- but I haven't gone anywhere. More of an issue- is I have nada to do while I'm waiting. I feel like a Bob Marley song- waiting in vain for your love. I am looking for part-time something, but the pay stinks and feels less worth it. So, limbo.

Deciding to move was not much of a decision at all. It's just something I have to do. I don't worry much about feeling lonely out there, because honestly, I feel lonely here. I walk around by myself a lot. Or with the pup. Going nowhere with no one. So I'm wishing and hoping that out there will be different. I really hope so. 

It's very strange to feel out of place in your home. To feel like you don't fit where you are from. So leaving it, doesn't break my heart. Now, all I have to do is wait out the time and do my last minute New York things. And then I'm off.

In my mind, I can see what my future looks like. In my mind, I can almost see the faces of my kids, my man. And it hurts to know that they are not here- they are somewhere else- waiting for me to bring them to life. Bring myself to life. Bring myself home.

Soon my loves, soon.

Nor Cal

I decided to take a leap. A jump. A test run into Northern California. A Mondo Beyondo Dream come to life. My life, to be exact. For quite some time I have been playing with the idea of moving to Northern California. And it would be swell if one of my east coast buddies would come with me. But alas, that does not seem to be the case. So- off I went- all by myself- into the great west.


I love the west. Love the way it looks, love the way it feels on my skin. Love the way my broken body mends faster here. I love the way people dress like me- and act like me too. It confirms that I don't belong in New York City. Which makes me a bit sad- that my hometown is not my home. Never felt like home. Never, really.


So- I took a big leap- and went on this trip on my own. And it wasn't scary or sad- it is great. It is wonderful. And exciting and beautiful. First- for a few days I lollied around Santa Cruz. Met with some lovely people I would love to work with. And did a bunch of looking. Lucky lucky me- I got to see this every day....

Admittedly, I got a little teary eyed when I had to go. But I know I will be back soon. I know that. And- I get to see some long ago friends in San Francisco. Which has been super. Now- they are trying to pull me into their section of the Bay Area. Ah- who knows. It's nice to be wanted- I'll tell ya that for sure.


In the past week- I have had three people call me brave. I've never considered myself brave, but looking back on it all- I guess I am. Nice! Doing this trip on my own- meeting up with people I never met before- thinking about making a big move away all on my own. Yea- brave I guess. But, the way I see it, there is no other way for me right now. New York hasn't given me what I need. So, I gotta go somewhere else. Somewhere new. And like everything else in my life thus far, I gotta do it on my own. Which doesn't register to me as brave at first, it's just the way it has been for me. Maybe I need a new way to see myself. See myself as brave, as opposed to being on my own. 


But, I'm not on my own. I have friends where I am right now. And friends to be made. Now all I have to do is look around and decide when to take the bigger leap and stay longer than a week. Take a big leap and trust that I know I am in good hands, in good company, and finally in a good place.

Photo Fridays....One Day Late With Good Reason

Yes Yes. I know- I'm late. And no, I will not be blaming jet lag, the earthquake, or hurricane. It has been such an amazing few days, I've been out living them. Hard! I'm on my own little Nor Cal Road trip- and will write all about it. Until then- here's a photo from today to keep you going.

A Friday ritual borrowed from i believe in santa clause. A single photo capturing a moment of the week. Feel free to make your own Friday moments or leave a comment here with a link to yours.

Signs

The past few weeks I have been focused more and more on staying positive and listening very carefully to my heart, my mind, and the Universe. I've felt happier than I have ever felt, lighter, more stable. More like ME. I like that.

I've decided to listen to the wind to tell me which way to go. Throw my cards in the air. Be open. Open heart, open mind, open.....

Since I have decided to pay close attention to Message from the Universe, I have had quite an education of what surrounds me, and hopeful for good things to come. I have to say, I like where I am being pointed, and not just happy to get where I am going, but happy to be just where I am.

Beautiful Honesty

The meaning of Naomi, in Japanese, is Beautiful Honesty. In Hebrew, it means Beautiful and delightful. That's about right.

For me, Naomi means a true friend. A woman who honors me by calling me her friend. To be, Naomi means real and pure love, joy, and wonderment.

I met her years ago while living in DC, she was by far the best part of that place for me. And when I think of my time there, I think of her.

She is pure magic. To be around her is to be near this flame or energy. This being of natural beauty. Someone who was born with something very special.

The last time I saw her was at her wedding almost 2 years ago now- wow 2 years already. I cried the whole time during her ceremony, because I knew that not only had she found love, real love, but that the person looking at her knew just how special she was- and must have felt very special being in the light of her love, always.

As years go by, we talk less and less. That is just how it goes with distance and time. But we do stay in touch and promise to see one another before the year is out. A promise I very much hope that we do keep (I'm in if you are).

I write this as I think of her and begin to think of her talent and practice of yoga. How it is not just something to do but something to be. And I admire that endlessley. She brings this glowing light to those she meets and those she shares this practice with. And now, she opens her heart and her grasp farther by joining this part of the world we call Blog Land.

Not only can you watch her do this- and have her teach you how to do it.....

You can read her words wherever you like, and feel her glow wherever you are.

My dear, my sweet, my darling friend Naomi. I love who you are and who you are becoming, and am thankful everyday that I am invited in for the ride- and- that you have invited us all to share your beautiful world here.... Naomi's Blog

Random Act of Kindness

I know someone having a bad day, so I made these for her (I took these pictures this week on a walk). Maybe it will bring her some sunshine or smile. Maybe you will find this on a gloomy day and it will do the same for you, too. Let me know sometime.

Lovely

It was a really nice day yesterday. Both for the weather and my life. I was thankful for that, and still glowing from it today.

You Can Learn A Lot Of Things From The Flowers

Do you remember Alice in Wonderland? I love it.

There is a very special scene that lives in that movie. Where she is lost and frightened and stumbles into a bed of flowers. And even when I was young, and I knew the flowers teased her, I still wanted to live in there. And be one of them. Because they were Beautiful. Simple. Together.

There is a song they sing to (at?) Alice- you can learn a lot of things from the flowers. And today, as I walked the pup in Brooklyn Spring, that song replayed in my head.

What can I learn from the flowers?

To be Beautiful. Simple. Together.

Promises to a Friend

Dear Friend,

I'm happy you are back in my life, and me back in yours. I'm heartbroken over your heartbreak and can only promise to never further the cracking. To see you in pain is painful, to see you hurting hurts me more than I can explain. Although I do not have a shared experience of your particular nightmare, I have had some of my own. And since I know that pain, it hurts me to know you feel it too. I know I can't take away your past, but as far as your present and future go, I hope that you allow me to be a real friend to you. It would be an honor. The honor would be mine.

I can promise that you always have someone to call at 3am when you are alone, scared, and shaking. I promise to always answer your call. I promise to be there for you, especially when you think nobody will be. 

Now that I am back in your life, and you in mine, I promise to be a positive force. I promise to make you feel special, smart, blessed, safe, irreplaceable. I promise to tell you that I think you are spectacular. That you are the bravest person I know. That you are the strongest person I know. That I am lucky to know you.

My friend you have not had enough joy. And I promise to see to it that you do from here on out. I promise to be in your corner. To make Tuesdays sparkle. To make you smile for nothing. I promise to make sure your wishes come true. I promise to remind you that life can be wonderful. And that you make mine wonderful just for being in mine. Just your presence. I promise to return that favor.

I promise to make your life exciting again. To bring in simple pleasures and random adventure. I promise to cherish your life and our friendship. I promise my friendship and promise to cherish the gift of yours.

 

Lucky

I have to say that the last two weeks have been a loop. It's gone from crazy terrible to pretty damn good in two weeks. My life that is.

My life is something to be grateful for, I have been to some amazing places with amazing people in two weeks. A rally in DC, gotten the job I wanted, lovely family time, and just yesterday- the NYC Marathon. As a watcher- not a runner. I've had some amazing times in the past two weeks.

Lucky Ducky Indeed.

I Rallied

Just back from a wonderful DC trip. I had lived there for about 4 years, and have been back in New York for 3 years now. It's hard to believe it has been that much time. That city is always special in my heart. Any my friends there are doubly special. 

Some friends and I went to the Jon Stewart Rally- and it was the best time. After back surgery this winter, and hell this summer, I needed a restoration to sanity indeed. I snapped some memories. 

I found a new hero in this woman.

I read some great things.

I saw people defy gravity, and federal law.

I saw an artist seeing life and make art out of it.

 

And I saw love.

Sunshine Does Exist Here.

Before you call for a therapist or the hostage negotiation unit- maybe some things to know...


You did not need an Rx for xanax to read this.


I promise not to always be gloomy or make you feel sad.


I promise to not always leave you feeling longing or long faced.


I've decided to make a list of wonderful in my life:

I have wonderful people in my life who tell me I am wonderful.

I know what all kinds of love feels like.


I look for the bright side of things, even when that makes me squint.

I see the positive side in everything first, even when it turns out negative in the end.


I have an amazing sense of survival, and I have no idea how I got it, but I do.

I am grateful for all of my blessings in disguise, but I could do without all of the disguise.

I still believe in magic.

I still believe in love.


I've had more than one person tell me that that they are grateful to know me.

I have people in my life that make my life better, just by being there. And I have told them just that.


I've been told that I was the girl that got away, directly from someone I ran away from.

I have people in my life that I admire, and they call me their friend.


I have incredible luck, but it takes a while to see that is true. 

I know it will turn out alright in the end, but I don't know how long away the end is.