It's Been a Year.

One year ago I decided to JUMP. I was in a place where I decided to make a life change- to get a life. A life I wanted to live, instead of the drudge I was living. I took a trip alone. A trip to a place looked at in dreams and through dark alleys. A place I wanted to go. I went.

A year ago I was here. It was pretty brave. I never say that about myself. But it was. I was. I went alone and decided to shake up my life. To move west. I rambled a bit about it here. That's alright, everone gets to ramble now and again.

To look at some of the pictures from that trip- I smile. I now have friends that live on those blocks. I live on one of them. 

A year ago I wandered around this town and wondered if I could live here. If I could live here happily. I thought I could. I remember the Farmers Market. The music. The people. The beautiful produce and flowers. The salad in bags with edible flowers. I fell in love. I dreamt of those flowers in vases on my table. A lil somethin like this.....

(photo on left taken one year ago, photo on right taken this week)

Talk about a dream come true. I wondered what it would be like to shop there each week for groceries. To make dishes with that produce. Let me tell ya- it's wonderful. It's a lil somethin like this.....

(photo on left taken one year ago, photo on right taken this week)

It has been a year. Exactly a year when I decided to do this. I can't believe it has been that long. Sometimes it feels like nothing has changed. Sometimes it feels like everything has. You could say the same about me. I will always be proud that I did this. That I took a fantasy and made it my reality. 

A year ago I stood right here and wished I lived here....

(photo taken a year ago)

I live on the other side of that peak-a-boo. Mondo Beyondo, indeed. 

Photo Friday

A Friday ritual borrowed from i believe in santa clause. A single photo capturing a moment of the week. Feel free to make your own Friday moments or leave a comment here with a link to yours.

Photo Friday

 

A Friday ritual borrowed from i believe in santa clause. A single photo capturing a moment of the week. Feel free to make your own Friday moments or leave a comment here with a link to yours.

Car 54 Where Are You?

I should begin with an apology. Well- maybe. I am sorry that I haven't been writing here- documenting my life- and thanking the Universe for every single thing. But, you see, I have been LIVING. Living in ways that I wished for many years ago. Years ago in a concrete jungle breathing in asphalt and kicking broken pieces of glass. Wishing and hoping I was here- right here- right where I am now.

Still, that is no excuse. I should take the time for me- time to reflect and see how far I have come in just a small length of time. Most don't believe me that I wasn't afraid to jump west- but it really is true. Honestly, I was more afraid to stay. Everyday there I felt life slipping through my fingers. Now, it is something I run towards. And so far- the run has been wonderful.

The run has taken me to beaches, to rivers, to redwoods, to places I dreamt of and cried over once awake. The run has taken me from concrete to soil. I am amazed by the bravery of the run. I honor the run and the little feet that kept moving, even when I felt I could not take another step. I'm amazed that the steps are my own- even though I knew they were mine always to take.

The next step? Settle into home. The next step is to enter my new home here. This takes place in mere days. Something that has taken me years to accomplish is very close at hand. My little hand, to be precise.

To my little feet, big heart, and to the wonderful Universe- thank you- thank you for this journey I call my life. For the good, the bad, the painful, the pleasureful, the all of it. Thank you for getting me here and moving me forward.

Last Photo Friday of 2011 & Catch Up

So, 2011 has come to an end. I'm not happy or sad about it- because it has been a year of MAJOR change. Interestingly- my movement had little to do with my resolutions, and more to do with my Mondo. This year I dug down deep and made my dreams become my reality. Now, palm trees don't always make perfect- but they sure are lovely.

This year couldn't just go without one more 2 week romance, but hopefully he was the last. Hopefully. I'm grateful he showed his face- and his cards early. He reminded me that love is possible- even for me.

 

I hope that the New Year brings new adventure in this New place that I call home. I hope that my new job brings me joy. And that my special someone finally shows himself. 

I resolve to.... keep trying to see beauty in all things- even the things that break my heart. I resolve to begin to take better care of myself- inside and out. I resolve to LET GO- most of all- let go to all things that are not helpful to me. And hold on to all that is.

Happy New Year- and many more to come. 

A Friday ritual borrowed from i believe in santa clause. A single photo capturing a moment of the week. Feel free to make your own Friday moments or leave a comment here with a link to yours.

Photo Fridays.

A Friday ritual borrowed from i believe in santa clause. A single photo capturing a moment of the week. Feel free to make your own Friday moments or leave a comment here with a link to yours.

Nor Cal

I decided to take a leap. A jump. A test run into Northern California. A Mondo Beyondo Dream come to life. My life, to be exact. For quite some time I have been playing with the idea of moving to Northern California. And it would be swell if one of my east coast buddies would come with me. But alas, that does not seem to be the case. So- off I went- all by myself- into the great west.


I love the west. Love the way it looks, love the way it feels on my skin. Love the way my broken body mends faster here. I love the way people dress like me- and act like me too. It confirms that I don't belong in New York City. Which makes me a bit sad- that my hometown is not my home. Never felt like home. Never, really.


So- I took a big leap- and went on this trip on my own. And it wasn't scary or sad- it is great. It is wonderful. And exciting and beautiful. First- for a few days I lollied around Santa Cruz. Met with some lovely people I would love to work with. And did a bunch of looking. Lucky lucky me- I got to see this every day....

Admittedly, I got a little teary eyed when I had to go. But I know I will be back soon. I know that. And- I get to see some long ago friends in San Francisco. Which has been super. Now- they are trying to pull me into their section of the Bay Area. Ah- who knows. It's nice to be wanted- I'll tell ya that for sure.


In the past week- I have had three people call me brave. I've never considered myself brave, but looking back on it all- I guess I am. Nice! Doing this trip on my own- meeting up with people I never met before- thinking about making a big move away all on my own. Yea- brave I guess. But, the way I see it, there is no other way for me right now. New York hasn't given me what I need. So, I gotta go somewhere else. Somewhere new. And like everything else in my life thus far, I gotta do it on my own. Which doesn't register to me as brave at first, it's just the way it has been for me. Maybe I need a new way to see myself. See myself as brave, as opposed to being on my own. 


But, I'm not on my own. I have friends where I am right now. And friends to be made. Now all I have to do is look around and decide when to take the bigger leap and stay longer than a week. Take a big leap and trust that I know I am in good hands, in good company, and finally in a good place.

Photo Fridays....One Day Late With Good Reason

Yes Yes. I know- I'm late. And no, I will not be blaming jet lag, the earthquake, or hurricane. It has been such an amazing few days, I've been out living them. Hard! I'm on my own little Nor Cal Road trip- and will write all about it. Until then- here's a photo from today to keep you going.

A Friday ritual borrowed from i believe in santa clause. A single photo capturing a moment of the week. Feel free to make your own Friday moments or leave a comment here with a link to yours.

Free Falling

I've been a bit occupied lately. But occupied in a way I have never been before. Since the job I hated is no longer in my life, there is little holding me to New York City. Yes, I have wonderful friends here. I have family here. But I don't have what I want for my life here.

So, I am thinking- maybe I shouldn't be here.

I've been playing with my Mondo Beyondo Dreams. For many many many years, I have been yearning to move back west. I was there for a short while many years ago, but something about it always felt right. Felt like home. Felt like Me. 

Now, with very little money in my pocket, no job offer (yet), and knowing absolutely nobody in the town I am going to- I am off! Trying to live a Mondo Dream, but testing out for a week. 

I've never done anything like this before- just gone for it. It's a bit nerving. A bit exciting. A bit of a step for me. A big step forward.

It feels like I've Let Go. And that feels great to me. By letting go I have stepped out to the ledge. I have no idea what the next few weeks hold for me. What I will find out there. Maybe myself. I'm committed to giving it a shot. Giving myself a shot. Doing something that will take me closer to a picture of what I want my life to be- to look like-feel like. I think I will be there soon. And I hope I find whatever it is I am waiting for is waiting back for me, too.

Independent

It's July 5th, a day after the 4th, here in New York City. Firework Central for all far and wide. Large scale photos of Lady Liberty. Many grill Smells. And Much Much Much RED WHITE BLUE. It's kinda a lot. For me, I've always felt a bit out of step during this time of year. Feeling pressure to be something patriotic, maybe, but feeling this pressure to be SUPER FUN!! Best EVER! Totally Awesome!!! 

But, I'm kinda... whatever.

Summer is my favorite time of year. Not for school being off (I skipped it anyway), camp in session (I really was not a fan), or the 4th (see above). But for the sunshine. Winter, is not my thing. I honestly long for sun. I live for it, and cry when it goes away for many months on end. I made a promise to myself that last winter would be my last. And that promise may still be kept.

I'm thinking about Dreaming Mondo Big. Since my usual way of thinking doesn't seem to bring me any great results. I am thinking of throwing all the cards in the air, and just seeing what happens. During this Independence Week... How Independent can I get myself to be.... I wonder.

I continue to look for Messages from the Universe, and wonder.... Where are these Signs pointing me to? Who are they pointing me to? Are they pointing us to the same place, to find them one day together? I wonder.

365+7

One year ago I was attacked. I was assaulted at my door step. Beaten and nearly raped. Nearly. I fought myself out of it, most of it. And home as never felt the same. I tried to heal, still try to heal, and open myself up to The Universe for where my place should be. But still, when I come home I don't feel at home. I feel challenged and uncomfortable. Every time I am here

So 7 days ago was the 1 year anniversary of my assault. I just didn't want to be here, be there. Be in the same place where someone treated me like nothing. Treated me with brutality. Didn't see me as someone at all. So- I went away to see my friend. Several states away to feel accepted and loved and living again. It felt wonderful to be with my friend ago and to be around these- they always make me feel at home

Now, a week later, I have traveled across the country and back. Still feeling the west pulling me and wondering if I throw my chips in the air and gamble it all and get there. Get there. Get there...