It's Been a Year.

One year ago I decided to JUMP. I was in a place where I decided to make a life change- to get a life. A life I wanted to live, instead of the drudge I was living. I took a trip alone. A trip to a place looked at in dreams and through dark alleys. A place I wanted to go. I went.

A year ago I was here. It was pretty brave. I never say that about myself. But it was. I was. I went alone and decided to shake up my life. To move west. I rambled a bit about it here. That's alright, everone gets to ramble now and again.

To look at some of the pictures from that trip- I smile. I now have friends that live on those blocks. I live on one of them. 

A year ago I wandered around this town and wondered if I could live here. If I could live here happily. I thought I could. I remember the Farmers Market. The music. The people. The beautiful produce and flowers. The salad in bags with edible flowers. I fell in love. I dreamt of those flowers in vases on my table. A lil somethin like this.....

(photo on left taken one year ago, photo on right taken this week)

Talk about a dream come true. I wondered what it would be like to shop there each week for groceries. To make dishes with that produce. Let me tell ya- it's wonderful. It's a lil somethin like this.....

(photo on left taken one year ago, photo on right taken this week)

It has been a year. Exactly a year when I decided to do this. I can't believe it has been that long. Sometimes it feels like nothing has changed. Sometimes it feels like everything has. You could say the same about me. I will always be proud that I did this. That I took a fantasy and made it my reality. 

A year ago I stood right here and wished I lived here....

(photo taken a year ago)

I live on the other side of that peak-a-boo. Mondo Beyondo, indeed. 

Last Photo Friday of 2011 & Catch Up

So, 2011 has come to an end. I'm not happy or sad about it- because it has been a year of MAJOR change. Interestingly- my movement had little to do with my resolutions, and more to do with my Mondo. This year I dug down deep and made my dreams become my reality. Now, palm trees don't always make perfect- but they sure are lovely.

This year couldn't just go without one more 2 week romance, but hopefully he was the last. Hopefully. I'm grateful he showed his face- and his cards early. He reminded me that love is possible- even for me.

 

I hope that the New Year brings new adventure in this New place that I call home. I hope that my new job brings me joy. And that my special someone finally shows himself. 

I resolve to.... keep trying to see beauty in all things- even the things that break my heart. I resolve to begin to take better care of myself- inside and out. I resolve to LET GO- most of all- let go to all things that are not helpful to me. And hold on to all that is.

Happy New Year- and many more to come. 

A Friday ritual borrowed from i believe in santa clause. A single photo capturing a moment of the week. Feel free to make your own Friday moments or leave a comment here with a link to yours.

Photo Friday.

I have not been keeping up with this blog- that is you see because I have been keeping up with life. Which has left me little time to record it. Entry soon to come! The cliff notes... doing life Mondo Beyondo style..... MONDO. The above were taken in the last 3 days across the country from one another. Two from my old home garden in Brooklyn. Two from my new home garden in California. I like the beauty of each, how they are different, yet oh so very much the same. Maybe the sameness is me. I don't know, not sure, but I like it.

A Friday ritual borrowed from i believe in santa clause. A single photo capturing a moment of the week. Feel free to make your own Friday moments or leave a comment here with a link to yours.

Nor Cal

I decided to take a leap. A jump. A test run into Northern California. A Mondo Beyondo Dream come to life. My life, to be exact. For quite some time I have been playing with the idea of moving to Northern California. And it would be swell if one of my east coast buddies would come with me. But alas, that does not seem to be the case. So- off I went- all by myself- into the great west.


I love the west. Love the way it looks, love the way it feels on my skin. Love the way my broken body mends faster here. I love the way people dress like me- and act like me too. It confirms that I don't belong in New York City. Which makes me a bit sad- that my hometown is not my home. Never felt like home. Never, really.


So- I took a big leap- and went on this trip on my own. And it wasn't scary or sad- it is great. It is wonderful. And exciting and beautiful. First- for a few days I lollied around Santa Cruz. Met with some lovely people I would love to work with. And did a bunch of looking. Lucky lucky me- I got to see this every day....

Admittedly, I got a little teary eyed when I had to go. But I know I will be back soon. I know that. And- I get to see some long ago friends in San Francisco. Which has been super. Now- they are trying to pull me into their section of the Bay Area. Ah- who knows. It's nice to be wanted- I'll tell ya that for sure.


In the past week- I have had three people call me brave. I've never considered myself brave, but looking back on it all- I guess I am. Nice! Doing this trip on my own- meeting up with people I never met before- thinking about making a big move away all on my own. Yea- brave I guess. But, the way I see it, there is no other way for me right now. New York hasn't given me what I need. So, I gotta go somewhere else. Somewhere new. And like everything else in my life thus far, I gotta do it on my own. Which doesn't register to me as brave at first, it's just the way it has been for me. Maybe I need a new way to see myself. See myself as brave, as opposed to being on my own. 


But, I'm not on my own. I have friends where I am right now. And friends to be made. Now all I have to do is look around and decide when to take the bigger leap and stay longer than a week. Take a big leap and trust that I know I am in good hands, in good company, and finally in a good place.

Photo Fridays....One Day Late With Good Reason

Yes Yes. I know- I'm late. And no, I will not be blaming jet lag, the earthquake, or hurricane. It has been such an amazing few days, I've been out living them. Hard! I'm on my own little Nor Cal Road trip- and will write all about it. Until then- here's a photo from today to keep you going.

A Friday ritual borrowed from i believe in santa clause. A single photo capturing a moment of the week. Feel free to make your own Friday moments or leave a comment here with a link to yours.

Free Falling

I've been a bit occupied lately. But occupied in a way I have never been before. Since the job I hated is no longer in my life, there is little holding me to New York City. Yes, I have wonderful friends here. I have family here. But I don't have what I want for my life here.

So, I am thinking- maybe I shouldn't be here.

I've been playing with my Mondo Beyondo Dreams. For many many many years, I have been yearning to move back west. I was there for a short while many years ago, but something about it always felt right. Felt like home. Felt like Me. 

Now, with very little money in my pocket, no job offer (yet), and knowing absolutely nobody in the town I am going to- I am off! Trying to live a Mondo Dream, but testing out for a week. 

I've never done anything like this before- just gone for it. It's a bit nerving. A bit exciting. A bit of a step for me. A big step forward.

It feels like I've Let Go. And that feels great to me. By letting go I have stepped out to the ledge. I have no idea what the next few weeks hold for me. What I will find out there. Maybe myself. I'm committed to giving it a shot. Giving myself a shot. Doing something that will take me closer to a picture of what I want my life to be- to look like-feel like. I think I will be there soon. And I hope I find whatever it is I am waiting for is waiting back for me, too.

Independent

It's July 5th, a day after the 4th, here in New York City. Firework Central for all far and wide. Large scale photos of Lady Liberty. Many grill Smells. And Much Much Much RED WHITE BLUE. It's kinda a lot. For me, I've always felt a bit out of step during this time of year. Feeling pressure to be something patriotic, maybe, but feeling this pressure to be SUPER FUN!! Best EVER! Totally Awesome!!! 

But, I'm kinda... whatever.

Summer is my favorite time of year. Not for school being off (I skipped it anyway), camp in session (I really was not a fan), or the 4th (see above). But for the sunshine. Winter, is not my thing. I honestly long for sun. I live for it, and cry when it goes away for many months on end. I made a promise to myself that last winter would be my last. And that promise may still be kept.

I'm thinking about Dreaming Mondo Big. Since my usual way of thinking doesn't seem to bring me any great results. I am thinking of throwing all the cards in the air, and just seeing what happens. During this Independence Week... How Independent can I get myself to be.... I wonder.

I continue to look for Messages from the Universe, and wonder.... Where are these Signs pointing me to? Who are they pointing me to? Are they pointing us to the same place, to find them one day together? I wonder.

Slide

Dear Universe,

I have chosen to believe in you. I have chosen that my being comfortable with being uncomfortable is not the way to go. I've decided to have some faith, to Dream. Mondo Dream. Some days it is easy, some days it is very frightening.

Yes... I think my life is better off without going into an office everyday where people scheme to hurt me. I think it is better for me not to be lied about and betrayed. Yep... better. But still scary to be floating out here, not knowing where I will land. I feel like a bubble.

Yet still, I have had a word floating in my mind today. Something from Fight Club, believe it or not. I hear My Power Animal. I hear over and over again.... Slide. It scares me to slide.

My life has been a practice of power and control, a practice in trying to achieve balance. Which makes Sliding, well, tricky. But in this fear, in this moment of anxiety- I have to LET GO.

Believe. Dream. Slide.

Crazy Heart

Dear Universe,

Ah, you do it every time.... as Mondo is coming to a close, I feel I need it more than ever. Which may just be the point- I guess. I didn't do many lessons, but I will... promise.

My life... hmmm... well........ I try to see the positives in life, even if they turn out to be negatives. I still try to see the sunlight through the rain. Even though sometimes- I gotta squint. Take Rex for example, the man promised to another, who said the most amazing things I have ever heard before (directed to me that is). I just had to know... did ya mean it?

And yea- he said- he did. And left it there. Now, sure, I could get sad on it. But like I said before- I just don't wanna. I really do prefer to see the positive in it. And so it is- Mondo in action. He said he could not believe that nobody ever said such things to me before.... and he's right. He's right!  

Beyondo Mondo- he's right. 

The positive in this, if you dare to dream of positive, is that here is this person- saying very loudly that I am all of these wonderful things. And maybe that, just that, is the gift of him in my life. Someone walking in and saying- jeez- you never hear these things- who do you hang around with?!

Exactly friend- Exactly.

So thank you Universe, thank you for bringing this person into my world, for even a very short while. He's right- I need to hear these lovely things, from someone free to say them (to me).

Mondo Is Everywhere...

So, I guess I could take this week as a negative. But I really just don't want to. The job I hated is over. The people making my life hell are out of my life. And I can stop pretending that I give a shit about anything they say.... PHEW!

This week in Mondo Beyondo we learned about dismantling. And well, things came apart all right. And instead of me being scared and afraid and blah blah blah, I am going to be positive. Positive! For sure positive that this is all a good thing, that it is time for new- time for me. Time for something. So sure- Positive!

Mondo asks us to take leaps- to try the dream unknown. And I say I am in. I'm not the only one either. My lovely friend decided to take a chance- realize a Dream- and go all in. She has been an artist forever- and I should know I knew her when we were 4 years old. And I am so happy for her- she is realizing her Dream- Mondo Style! And here she is.... check it out and show some dreamer love if you can.... http://www.mzcaraher.com/

I want to take this moment to thank you Mondo- thank you Dreamers- thank you. Without you I may not be so positive, I'm positive about that. So.... Thank you.