Photo Friday

A Friday ritual borrowed from i believe in santa clause. A single photo capturing a moment of the week. Feel free to make your own Friday moments or leave a comment here with a link to yours.

Long Time Coming

Hello once again. It has been far too long and things have gotten a bit too far. I sometimes can't believe I live where I do. That I live where I dreamt of being so many years ago. I can't believe that I forgot the old adage- wherever you go- there you are. Well, here I am. Perhaps deeper in it.

Somehow I managed to land a gig that is so unreal, I wait for the bottom to drop. I hope it doesn't, I hope about that a lot.

I fell in love, only to have my heart ruined. This time, I'm not sure I will ever be able to trust anyone. Not that I ever really did before. This latest just shows me I was right not to do so, and that breaks me even more.

This one, I thought he was the one I was waiting for. Really, he was just another one. This one though, this one, well- he broke me. Perhaps I had thought this was something I felt before. But, I never woke up from a nightmare calling for someone out loud before. This time I did. This time I know it is a deeper cut than any before him. Now I worry. I worry there will be none after him.

The year is ending and instead of looking to the future with bright eyes, I look with dread. What will this one do to me? Who will get to me this time? Why and how is it that this is what has come of me?

It is hard when you understand that the men who ruined you have run off with girls with beautiful lives. And these men just make their lives more beautiful. It's hard to understand that their lives are better than mine. They will know happiness I will never know, love I will never know. A life I know nothing of. I'm not quite sure why they decided to destroy me. Or why I let them. Why I didn't see it coming. Why this is how it is. But it is hard, has been hard. Has been something I didn't want to write about. Something I didn't want to document.

For some reason you still haunt me. Still taunt me. Still hate me.

I feel like crying a lot lately. I tear up sometimes. Then my chest sinks all over again. I'm fearful of the New Year. And that hasn't happened before. That scares me. So does more of this. This uphill battle with no end, no rope, no help, nothing but this in sight.

Photo Birthday Friday

Another year- hello 33. Looking forward to a wonderful year of you.

 

Photo Friday

A Friday ritual borrowed from i believe in santa clause. A single photo capturing a moment of the week. Feel free to make your own Friday moments or leave a comment here with a link to yours.

 

It's Been a Year.

One year ago I decided to JUMP. I was in a place where I decided to make a life change- to get a life. A life I wanted to live, instead of the drudge I was living. I took a trip alone. A trip to a place looked at in dreams and through dark alleys. A place I wanted to go. I went.

A year ago I was here. It was pretty brave. I never say that about myself. But it was. I was. I went alone and decided to shake up my life. To move west. I rambled a bit about it here. That's alright, everone gets to ramble now and again.

To look at some of the pictures from that trip- I smile. I now have friends that live on those blocks. I live on one of them. 

A year ago I wandered around this town and wondered if I could live here. If I could live here happily. I thought I could. I remember the Farmers Market. The music. The people. The beautiful produce and flowers. The salad in bags with edible flowers. I fell in love. I dreamt of those flowers in vases on my table. A lil somethin like this.....

(photo on left taken one year ago, photo on right taken this week)

Talk about a dream come true. I wondered what it would be like to shop there each week for groceries. To make dishes with that produce. Let me tell ya- it's wonderful. It's a lil somethin like this.....

(photo on left taken one year ago, photo on right taken this week)

It has been a year. Exactly a year when I decided to do this. I can't believe it has been that long. Sometimes it feels like nothing has changed. Sometimes it feels like everything has. You could say the same about me. I will always be proud that I did this. That I took a fantasy and made it my reality. 

A year ago I stood right here and wished I lived here....

(photo taken a year ago)

I live on the other side of that peak-a-boo. Mondo Beyondo, indeed. 

Photo Friday

A Friday ritual borrowed from i believe in santa clause. A single photo capturing a moment of the week. Feel free to make your own Friday moments or leave a comment here with a link to yours.

 

Catching my Breath with a Photo Friday

It has been a very busy week indeed- I will catch up here as soon as I have another busy weekend. I'm focused on enjoying my good fortune lately, the great people I am surrounded with, and the beauty around us all. It has been a good week- thank goodness.

A Friday ritual borrowed from i believe in santa clause. A single photo capturing a moment of the week. Feel free to make your own Friday moments or leave a comment here with a link to yours.