I decided to take a leap. A jump. A test run into Northern California. A Mondo Beyondo Dream come to life. My life, to be exact. For quite some time I have been playing with the idea of moving to Northern California. And it would be swell if one of my east coast buddies would come with me. But alas, that does not seem to be the case. So- off I went- all by myself- into the great west.
I love the west. Love the way it looks, love the way it feels on my skin. Love the way my broken body mends faster here. I love the way people dress like me- and act like me too. It confirms that I don't belong in New York City. Which makes me a bit sad- that my hometown is not my home. Never felt like home. Never, really.
So- I took a big leap- and went on this trip on my own. And it wasn't scary or sad- it is great. It is wonderful. And exciting and beautiful. First- for a few days I lollied around Santa Cruz. Met with some lovely people I would love to work with. And did a bunch of looking. Lucky lucky me- I got to see this every day....
Admittedly, I got a little teary eyed when I had to go. But I know I will be back soon. I know that. And- I get to see some long ago friends in San Francisco. Which has been super. Now- they are trying to pull me into their section of the Bay Area. Ah- who knows. It's nice to be wanted- I'll tell ya that for sure.
In the past week- I have had three people call me brave. I've never considered myself brave, but looking back on it all- I guess I am. Nice! Doing this trip on my own- meeting up with people I never met before- thinking about making a big move away all on my own. Yea- brave I guess. But, the way I see it, there is no other way for me right now. New York hasn't given me what I need. So, I gotta go somewhere else. Somewhere new. And like everything else in my life thus far, I gotta do it on my own. Which doesn't register to me as brave at first, it's just the way it has been for me. Maybe I need a new way to see myself. See myself as brave, as opposed to being on my own.
But, I'm not on my own. I have friends where I am right now. And friends to be made. Now all I have to do is look around and decide when to take the bigger leap and stay longer than a week. Take a big leap and trust that I know I am in good hands, in good company, and finally in a good place.