Its Just The Same Old Song

I am in a bad spot. A few bad spots really. I'm at a point in my life where it is all falling down, again. And it seems no matter how I try to treat people with kindness and no matter how I try to see beauty
in every day life- I am assumed to be this. And now, it has taken a step further.

If you know me, you know I am someone searching for real love. True and Pure love. I love love. But I am not so sure if love loves me. I've been told in the past that certain boys loved me- but they never loved me the way I needed. Not true- not pure. Not Love Love.

Which takes me to me doing a bad bad thing. I've said before that love has come out of the wrong mouths.... And now someone I spoke about before started speaking some more. He said I was 'a 10' (whatever that means), I am the 'exact type of person he would date' (whatever that means), that I am 'perfect' 'amazing' (etc. etc. etc). These are the things I dream to hear, the way I wished someone would treat me. The way I hoped someone would see me, finally. But he belongs to another, so much so.

And I feel terrible, I did a bad bad thing. He said I was 'a test' (whatever that means), and if you ask me- he failed it. I did a bad thing to a girl I don't know. I betrayed her, and I knew I was. I did a bad thing to a stranger. I'm terribly sorry.

I finally heard what I needed to hear, and I cried in the street hearing it. Because he should have been saying those things to another, not me. I am just the other girl, his fantasy girl, and he is going to marry another. I did a bad thing. And I hope that love doesn't hate me now and I hope I didn't hurt anyone but myself. I hope that love will visit me again, and speak to me through lips not promised to another. I hope love comes quick for me- Free Love Pure Love True Love. My Love, I'm waiting.