For some reason lately i feel hypocrisy pumping through my veins more and more as the days go by.
Can i be an optimist with a negative soul?
Can an outsider ever belong?
Can a feminist enjoy being overpowered by men?
Men.
A race i understand fully yet know nothing of.
Hypocrisy again and again.
Am i nothing but a fraud in sheep’s clothing?
Can i strive to be an independent woman yet be petrified of being alone?
Can i live my life in constant fear of, well, everything?
Is it possible to be a good person anymore?
Lies deceit cheating and loss.
Is it still possible to trust?
Is it naive?
Can i claim to know love, feel love, want love, when i can’t understand love?
Do we really love, trick ourselves into love, or simply settle for less than we are worth for another’s taste in our mouth?
And what about worth? Is one worth more than the other?
But if we are equal, why are there so many ‘isms’ in the world?
Am i, or we, or all, or none of us just looking for a group or definitions?
Am i the bitch or the bountiful?
The light or the lie?
Can one understand their past?
Is it their past, or merely a biased interpretation of what we wish were true, fear is true, want to be true?
And if we say it enough, can we make it true?
Is it worth it to question, to plan, to dream?
Does a goal lead to happiness or heartache when we all know there is no control over fate?
And is there fate?
Was it my destiny to be stood up, whipped, kissed, rejected and kissed again?
Am i to think this is a greater being’s master plan?
To sit here, hot, sticky, overtired, unsure and heartbroken?
Was this meant to be written or is it just because i had nothing better to do than sit here and listen to my mind wander?
Wander west, find a home.
A place for sunglasses, car keys and extra socks when your toes get cold.
But the hypocrisy still pulsates and overcomes me like a multiple orgasm again and again
like an unsatisfied lover craving one more grab one more touch one more thrust.
My hips are bruised from the lovemaking which shows
no love was involved.
Hypocrisy again and again.
Twists and turns, beaches and bums, skies and shelters blur my vision, keep me running, hands shaking, lips trembling, eyes blinking, toes tapping, voice singing along with the radio.
Green - Yellow stop stop stop.
Car accidents and young deaths, forever sixteen.
Sixteen with pimples and geometry homework.
Pretending to smile to keep yourself from crying
and think how beautiful i am.
Pen don’t fail me, words stay with me, hypocrisy release me, life devour me, baby hold on to me.
Hold me see me.
Love me. love her, love something, anything, stripes, plaids, argyle
Color blindness.
Find me here
Find me here
Tell me it isn't just me, you, us them.
Hold me tight and be alone together.
Baby hold onto me, pretend i’m worth wanting and worth waiting for.
Mind spins, hand writes, car turns, sun sets.
Hope with no possibility of happiness.
Happiness from a glance and last touches to last a lifetime.
Sweet breath on your hand, your hand somewhere special.
someone special out there. Where? Where? When?
Which week to mark on the calendar, what tree to climb.
Which shoes to wear?
Blind love, blinded by love, go out and beat love blind.
Hypocrisy again and again.
It hurts to sit, hard to breathe, hard to talk without an attitude, hard to look at my knees.
Hurts to know all of this has been bottled up in me waiting to explode onto lined paper.
Hard to know i pride myself on openness and keep it all inside.
My aggression, my car sickness, my fear of well, everything.
Hypocrisy again and again.
Swimming, floating, treading, drowning, dancing, in in out around the truth.
What is truth? Is it now, then, later, is it real?
Yawn, stretch, bend, ache, scream, nudge, play on, play on, get played, play the game, the field, the world, cheat the game look at your opponents cards only to notice
You were both bluffing.
Bluff and Puff and blow my world down.
My world, my decisions, my life, my hypocrisy again and again.
Don’t talk to me like a baby, your baby, a hopeless creature dependent on you.
You- who are you?
You- the voice in my head that has been silenced for so long.
Only allowed out for day trips like today. soon to be locked away signed, sealed, delivered to, nowhere.
Talk to me, look, at me, save me, let me save myself
Hypocrisy again and again.
Smell salt air, fertilizer, colon, death, smell sex, smell popcorn the roses.
Some feminist. Some scorpio. Some humans say.
Say nothing, say hate talk, say vows, say lies
Say hypocrisy again and again.
- If all who wander are not lost, and all that are lost do not wander, how can you tell if you are a wanderer or a lost soul? -
Bums on the street singing their hums
and beside them their dogs collecting fives and ones.
smiles from onlookers all with fake tans
Hypocrisy again and again.
twenty one and able to drink
but when i was born i began to sink
sink into pity
sink into pretty
sink into hatred
sink back to the city.
cry over a drink and feel no better
go back home and write out a letter
tell her i love her, tell her i’m sorry
tell her i’m crazy, i’ll buy a Ferrari
look down the street see a jew drive a benz
Hypocrisy again and again.
Bulimics, anorexics, liars and suckers
thieves and skeeves and middle aged fuckers
learn i will become them, in the end
Hypocrisy again and again.
child prodigy of life and reason
wait out winter for the warmer season
when its too warm i pray for heat’s end
Hypocrisy again and again.
one topping, one scoop, one brand, one flavor
only one dose to sit back and savor
sit back and just wonder - when?
Hypocrisy again and again.
listen to gossip listen to horns
watch the screen and wait for soft porn
a porsche, a roles, a vet a scooter
a lost and bleeding a roundabout suitor
a life a death a friend a mother
a sweet blanket replacing a lover
love my body then buy some phen phen
Hypocrisy again and again.
wednesday traffic and feminist prose
feeling numb from missing my morphine lows
mumbling and tumbling and talking and listening
Looking and feeling and hugging and kissing
Wishing i were Barbie, just to be with Ken
All my hypocrisy again and again.
me and you
and him and her too
and her in the corner in gray underwear
scratching and picking and brushing her hair
with dirt on her hands, her back, her feet
feeling solemn but oddly complete
and rhyming like i do and counting again
Hypocrisy again and again and again.
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