Goodbye Takes Me To Hello

Dear New Love,

I think I have not been quite fair to you, so not only do I need to apologize, but tell you that I'm ready now. I'm clear and cleared out my cob webs and I'm ready for you. I've said goodbye to all of them and I promise to never let them back. Never. 

I've decided that these boys have been taking up too much of my time and my life and my mind and they have left me no space for you to come in. And I am sorry to both of us for that. But I promise, I am ready for real love- our love. Ready.

This time in my life is about movement- not only across states, but a movement to something new. Something ours. And I am so ready for that. I'm excited really. Really really excited. 

It may seem crazy, but I can feel it in the air. Something exciting and fresh and new. Yes, I am a bit nervous, but I will take nervous over nothing. And it has been nothing for far too long now.

Dear new love, I'd like to tell you how fond I am of you already. That I am eager and ready to go. Go anywhere. Anywhere you want to go. I'll meet you in the middle- just meet me.

I'm here, door and heart and eyes wide open. Ready for you, for us, for it.

Jump. Pause. Wait.

I decided to JUMP. I decided to move forward. Move west. Move. Which is all just wonderful. Kind of surreal. But it is happening. I'm going. 

But not for another several weeks.

Which- leaves me here. In Limbo. In New York. In a very strange uncomfortable sad place. It's strange because I am in the middle of a big move- but I haven't gone anywhere. More of an issue- is I have nada to do while I'm waiting. I feel like a Bob Marley song- waiting in vain for your love. I am looking for part-time something, but the pay stinks and feels less worth it. So, limbo.

Deciding to move was not much of a decision at all. It's just something I have to do. I don't worry much about feeling lonely out there, because honestly, I feel lonely here. I walk around by myself a lot. Or with the pup. Going nowhere with no one. So I'm wishing and hoping that out there will be different. I really hope so. 

It's very strange to feel out of place in your home. To feel like you don't fit where you are from. So leaving it, doesn't break my heart. Now, all I have to do is wait out the time and do my last minute New York things. And then I'm off.

In my mind, I can see what my future looks like. In my mind, I can almost see the faces of my kids, my man. And it hurts to know that they are not here- they are somewhere else- waiting for me to bring them to life. Bring myself to life. Bring myself home.

Soon my loves, soon.