To Beyondo!

I believe in Messages from the Universe. I believe that life is something to be renewed. I believe that I need a Message to Renew. Last year, I fell into Mondo Beyond and was invited into something called Dreaming. I believed that I really needed that.

It is coming up on one year of my attack. It will be a year two weeks from now, but who's counting, right? I'm still trying to get used to living again, trying to not to be frightened about everything. And trying to see this attack as a positive. Crazy perhaps, but maybe have it serve as a sign that I was on the wrong road. That I need to go somewhere else, perhaps.

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about children, and how much I would like to have my own. It only occurred to me yesterday that some of this is linked to my sadness of having to give up my pregnancy last year. After undergoing major surgery and being heavily medicated for three weeks, I got ill. Only I found out weeks later, I was not ill. I was pregnant. And there was no way that I would keep it. My body would not be able to hold the pregnancy after the surgery. And of course, the baby could have some major complications due to the sedation and medication. The sadness was unbearable. So much so, that I only really began to think about it yesterday. That I not only wanted children, but that I miss the one I had to give up, because it was best for the both of us. I'm not sure if the loss will ever go away.

So, I thought of Mondo. After my attack and losing the baby, I needed some light. Some joy. Some thing. And Mondo and the dreamers were there. Bless them. I thought about joining up again. Still, money is tight and time with work is tighter. So, I threw it to the Universe. Looking at Andrea's Blog, I found a little clue- a two for one buddy deal. I threw my hat in the ring and thought- let the stars decide. And this morning, I was matched. And so it is. Thank you for being a sign Andrea, thank you.

I am happy to begin to dream again. I believe I need it. As I try to clear out the cobwebs of my life, I am hopeful that Mondo will help me to plant some new seeds that will somehow make my life beautiful.