I'm not there.

Everyone i've ever said 'i love you' to is now married to someone else.

or if not married, very close.

But i'm still here.

They all think of me fondly, or at least that is what they say and how they cite it when published.

They credit me with showing them what love is and motivated them to do it. What it feels like. And showing them what they never knew they wanted.

But they picked someone else.

Everyone i've ever said 'i love you' to has killed me.

or if not killed, very close.

And i'm still here.

They tell me they remember my eyes. And remember what they looked like when i said 'i love you'. But they don't see them now. 

Those eyes are bloodshot.

And if not yet bloodshot, very close.

They all think sweetly of the girl who loved them dearly. Endlessly. Unending.

But she died of heartbreak.

And now they love someone else.

They talk to her through me. But she isn't here.

She died long ago. She died in central park on the large field looking at you while you slept. She died the day before you left. She died on an airplane heading east knowing she would never see you again. She died sleeping next to a stranger when you kicked her out of your house that night. She died when you came home on a coke binge calling her a cunt. She died after you told her she deserved everything her dad did to her, and that she probably liked it. She died when you cheated on her and lied to her face about it. She died crying over the song that played when she taught you how to dance.

She died of heartbreak. 

Everyone i've ever said 'i love you to' is sleeping next to someone else tonight. In the morning they will make love to her using the tricks i taught them without thinking of me at all. Then they will make her coffee and buy her flowers i once said i liked. 

Everyone i've ever said 'i love you to' is still in touch with me.

But she isn't me anymore. That girl is long gone. And they don't realize that they are talking to a ghost. 

That they can walk right through me, right past me, pass me by. 

Everyone i've ever said 'i love you to' is living the way i told them they could. Living the dreams i told them that they could do. 

But they picked someone else to do it with.

They are now living with the inspiration i gave them. Now inspiring someone else.

Everyone i've ever said 'i love you' to is loving someone else. Doing it in the way i told them they could, but doing it better to someone else.