Sunday, June 19, 2011

Gut Check

Ever since this happened this week, my mind has been a spin. My original reaction to the whole thing was goodbye to you- just to get out of it and avoid all drama. Just run. Run away that is. I felt a lot of loyalty to a person I do not know, putting her happiness and security and life ahead of mine. I bowed out. Cried alone and lonely, missing something I never had. Something and someone that was and is hers.

And now I just don't know. Here's why.... I have a theory. Do you remember the movie 'Can't Hardly Wait'? I know- random... But my theory is everyone in your life is someone in that movie. Me? I'm her. No, I am not a stripper. I'm someone with the random teen crushes and someone who believes very deeply in what she says: Fate. There is fate. But it only takes you so far, because once you're there, it's up to you to make it happen. 

And now we are here.  Is this my fate? Is it right in front of me? Is this love? Or, is this just drama and trouble? Is this just an illusion?
 I just don't know anymore. I want to know if he meant what he said. Or if he was just living some fantasy. I need to know what to do with this. And I just don't know the answer. Do I go after it, or respect the situation..... Anyone?

2 comments:

HowtoBEaCOOLoldLady said...

Hey Bonalita, moyra here from mondo beyondo. How funny we have the same blog design! Hmm, just read your post, and well, your first reaction was right, get the hell out. he was saying things you wanted to hear to get into your pants and he is not a good man for that, and not the one for you my dear. Just my opinion!! Someone once said to me, that you must pay very little attention to what a man says and very close attention to what a man does. Basically many men will say anything to get what they want. What he does is what is important. Hold your own. a man who cheats is a man who cheats. end of. ANyway, I do hope that even after my forthright giving of opinions you will be happy to keep in contact!! xx happy dreaming! your true love is waiting for you! (maybe not in the shape or form you expect!) xx hugs

bonalita said...

Hey there Moyra!
You are awesome!! Thank you so much for reaching out and being supportive- I can not say enough how much I appreciate you.

*B